


Dissapear

by PariTMG



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Au where Evan and Connor actually knew each other, Brief mention of Jared Klienman, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, sleepover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-29
Updated: 2017-05-29
Packaged: 2018-11-06 13:56:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11037573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PariTMG/pseuds/PariTMG





	Dissapear

Heidi was at home while Evan went to the therapist after school. She didn't have any schooling and didn't have to work late, so she took her time to prepare dinner for her and her son. She was about to put the meat in the pan for the tacos as someone knocked on the door.

Heidi rushed to the door as they knocked again. She opened the door to see her son’s boyfriend, Connor Murphy. “Oh, hi Connor,” She smiled sweetly. “Evan isn't here right now, i'm sorry.”

“That's exactly why I'm here, Mrs. Hansen.” Connor replied. “I need to talk to you about Evan.” 

“Oh, well, come in.” Heidi opened the door for Connor and closed it behind him. “I hope you don't mind if I continue to cook.”

“Nah, I don't mind.” Connor chuckled. 

“So, what did you need to tell me?” Heidi asked.

“Well, I noticed something while Evan was over at my house. I noticed scars-” Connor looked at Heidi and pointed to his wrists. “Like he’s been cutting. But these were new.”

“I hadn't noticed, thank you for telling me, Connor.” Heidi said, her voice taking a noticeable quiver. Connor didn’t comment on it.

“It's nothing, Mrs. Hansen” Connor ignored her nervous response.

“You should stay for dinner.” She said. “Evan will be home soon.” Heidi cleared her throat.

Connor paused for a moment- then shrugged and nodded. He didn’t have anything else to do. “Thank you,” He said cordially. It wasn’t like him to be so polite, but it was his boyfriend’s mother. eh.

X X X

“Im home.” Evan said as he came in the door and put his bag down. Connor met him down the hallway. Evan got flustered and stammered, “Wh-What're you doing here, Connor?” 

“I invited him, Evan.” Heidi said as she put a hand on his shoulder. Connor smiled.

“Oh.” Evan’s face reddened and then Connor wrapped his arms around him. Heidi smiled.

“It’s taco Tuesday!” Heidi exclaimed. “I picked the best day to invite him, don’t you think Evan?”

“Y-yeah…” Evan stuttered. “Are you done cooking? I-I don't want to be a bother and just hang around in the living room and just sit there and be all awkward like- oh yeah my therapist talked about this and that and schools just an annoyance as of right now and i don't want my hands to get all sweaty because i’ll just focus on my hands being sweaty and i’ll look like a real weirdo- and uh i would just be really weird and awkward and-” 

“Evan calm down.” Heidi interrupted. “I’ll fix the tacos, you and Connor can hang out in your room. I’ll call you both out when they're ready.”

“Okay.” Evan replied. Connor followed the short boy down the shorter hallway. Connor put his arm around Evan. Evan opened the door and went in as Connor followed.

“How’d therapy go?” Connor asked.

“It went fine.” Evan replied. They both sat down on Evan’s bed. “Connor…”

“Yeah?” Connor’s bangs flipped into his face.

“Did my mom actually invite you?” He asked.

“Yeah.” That was half true. She had only invited him to stay for dinner.

“Okay.” Evan sat content with his own thoughts for a while before Connor spoke again.

“You don't like Dr. Sherman do you?” He asked.

“Not really.” Evan rubbed his cast. 

“Just know you can talk to me about anything, alright?” Connor gave Evan a warm smile.

“Alright.” Evan smiled back.

“Tacos are done, you two.” Heidi spoke through the door.

Evan and Connor made their way to the small dining table and sat down. It was almost silent, other than Evan's mother pestering him about therapy. Connor got up from the table and put up his plate after they all finished. He was ready to leave when Heidi stopped him.

“You should stay over, Connor, it’s almost eleven. I can call Cynthia and tell her that you'll be staying over.” Heidi said.

“I mean, if you're okay with it…” Connor replied. He hadn’t wanted to go home anyway.

“Go ahead, stay the night.” She said. With that, they parted. Evan and Connor went back to Evan's room. 

“Do you have any clothes for tomorrow?” Evan asked while he fixed his bed.

“I've got a bag in my car. It may or may not smell like weed, but i've got clothes.” Connor replied. 

“Okay....” Evan sat on his bed and plugged up his phone. 

“Evan, you wouldn’t lie to me right?” Connor asked, as he sat next to Evan.

Evan looked down slightly. “Y-yeah,” Evan started, his voice wavered, “I-I mean! I wouldn’t like lie to you, you’re my b-boyfriend, so like why would I lie to you? I’m not a h-h-horrible person and I don’t-” Evan began to ramble, and Connor shushed him, and hugged him.

“It’s alright, I was just wondering.” He paused for a moment. “Ev, I’m going to go get my clothes, alright?” Evan nodded, and Connor left the room.

Had he said ‘alright’ too much? He said it maybe three times in that short conversation- would right count as alright? Did Evan think something was up? Because Connor knew Evan thought a lot and maybe he would over analyze that conversation? What if he figures out? What if-

“Connor?” Heidi dragged something behind her, snapping Connor from his thoughts. He recognized it as a blow up bed. “I’d figure you want to sleep in the same bedroom as Evan,” She started, “but you know, I know you guys would probably wouldn’t d-do that,” the blonde’s face reddened, “but I just want to be safe you know? I know it's dumb-” She looked down and for the second time in a five minute period, the brunette cut someone off.

“I understand Miss Hansen.” Connor looked away as he blushed. Heidi smiled. 

“Yeah, I’ll put this in Evans room for you and blow it up.” Heidi stated as she made her way down the hallway.

“Okay, I'm going to get my clothes out of my car.” The two went their separate ways. Connor soon returned to Evan’s room, and the air mattress was already blown up.

“I-I’m guessing she t-talked to you too…” Evan stammered. He was sitting on his bed playing with his blue fidget spinner. He had already changed.

“Yeah,” Connor sat his satchel down beside the air mattress. Connor sat down on Evan’s bed beside him and hugged him. Evan hugged back, savoring the warmth of Connor’s embrace. He was blushing hard,

“You’re adorable, you know.” Connor smirked and ruffled Evan’s hair. Evan blushed harder.

“Th-thank you…” Evan stuttered. “A-are you tired? I don’t want to be a bother, I can let you sleep if you need to, I’m sorry i’m being awkward i should just-”

“Evan go to sleep, youre tired.” Connor said. “I love you.”

“I-I love you.” Evan said back. Connor kissed Evan’s forehead and lied down on the air mattress.

Heidi knocked on the door and then opened it and said, “Evan, honey, don’t forget to take your mediicine.”

“Thanks mom.”

“Night, you two.” Heidi closed the door. Evan opened his pill box. 

Evan had too many medicines to remember. He had two antidepressants, a pill for his anxiety, a pill to help him sleep, mumbled.

A lull in the conversation happened as Connor pulled out his phone- he checked his notifications- of course none, but he always liked to check feverishly. He looked at the time- midnight.

“Um..” Evan said quietly, “Can I play music?” Evan played with the hem of his shirt- Connor knew he did this often, but he noticed now that all of his shirts were frayed, even a tiniest degree- but this particular shirt was frayed beyond belief, and a little small- he must’ve used to wear it. It wasn't small enough to be way tight, though.

“I-I mean if you-” Connor realized he hadn’t responded yet.

“Oh wait. yeah. You can play music.” Connor said, looking back down at his computer. Evan sucked in a breath. “J-Just tell me if it bothers you, I’ll turn it off i-immediately.” Evan’s hands began to fumble with the phone, and music erupted from the speakers and Evan jumped slightly, then turned it down some to where it was a whisper.

The music playing was soft acoustic and piano music- it was very calming, and much of the songs were instrumental. Occasionally, a singer or an acapella group played, but they also had soft music, and Connor found himself in a light sleep from the calm of it.

Connor woke from his sleep near two o’clock, having to use the bathroom. Once he got back he noticed that Evan wasn't peacefully overtaken by sleep. Evan was curled into a ball in the middle of his bed. All of the blankets and pillows were pushed off of the bed. Evan looked as if he was shaking. Connor made his way over to the bed and sat down. Connor heard faint whimpers before Evan violently rolled over, facing him. He’s having a nightmare, Connor figured. He tried to shake Evan awake, but failed.

“Evan,” Connor called. ”Evan, wake up.” He tried to shake him awake again. Evan stirred and opened his eyes slightly. Connor rubbed the short haired boy’s head. “Evan, it’s me.” Evan grabbed his boyfriend’s hand and squeezed it.

“I-I…” Evan stammered.

“Evan sit up, come here.” Connor pulled Evan into his lap. Evan clung onto Connor. His body shook with shaky sobs. “Shh…”

“C-Connor….” Evan pulled on Connor’s t-shirt.

“Shh, match your breathing with mine,” Connor rubbed his back. “Can you do that for me?” 

Evan tried his best to slow down his breathing. It was tough, but he did it. 

“Now, are you alright?” Connor asked as he pushed his bangs out of his face. Evan hugged him tight. 

“I-It was just a nightmare i think…” Evan sputtered out softly.

“Do you need to talk about it?” Connor asked. Evan shrugged and looked down.

“Well, Y-you left me. You left me and i had a panic attack, my mom left me just like my dad, and I-I was all alone.” Evan responded, his voice quivering. 

“I won’t leave you,” Connor said as he kissed Evan’s forehead. “Not ever.”

“Th-thank you, C-Connor..” He smiled slightly. 

“Try to go back to sleep. We have school tomorrow.” Connor went to get up when Evan pulled him back.

“Please stay.” Evan pleaded. Connor sighed. It wouldn't hurt to stay, would it?

X X X

It was a few weeks after Connor had visited the Hansen house when he got a phone call from Heidi. He answered it after it rang three times.

“Hello?” Connor spoke into the mic of the phone.

“Connor! Is Evan with you by any chance?” Heidi asked.

“No,” Connor replied. He was pretty sure he heard Heidi curse under her breath but he didn't say anything. “Is he gone?”

“Yes, He told me he was going out somewhere with you, the orchard, i think is where he said you both were going.”

“I haven't heard from him since Thursday, he texted me and told me he was sick so he wasn't coming Friday.” 

“He wasn’t, he left for school Friday morning.” 

“Have you called Jared? He might know where Evan is.”

“I already called, he said that he didn't know. Oh, Connor, I’m so worried!” Heidi’s voice cracked.

“I can come over and help look for him if you want me to.” Connor offered.

“Could you?”

“Yes ma'am.” 

“Thank you so much, Connor!” Heidi exclaimed. Connor could figure she was smiling on the other end.

“I’m on my way.” With that they hung up. Connor walked into the living room. Cynthia looked at him and smiled.

“Where are you going, Connor?” Cynthia asked.

“I’m heading over to Evan’s… he uh- needs me over there....” Connor grabbed his satchel. Larry looked up from his newspaper.

“You spend an awfully long amount of time over at the Hansen house, don't you Connor?” Larry said. “Why don’t you stay here?”

“Look, dad, i can't stay-”

“Yes you can and you will-”

“Larry, fucking look, I have to go find Evan he’s not at home damn it and I’ve already promised Heidi I’d look for her damn son!” Connor snapped.

“Connor, calm down, sit down-” Cynthia told him.

“I can’t stay, bye.” Connor ran out the door and hopped into his car. The smell of marijuana greeted him as he opened the door. He turned the ignition and backed out of the driveway.

He made it to Evan’s house and let himself in. “Mrs. Hansen?” He called.

“Connor, thank you for coming over!” Heidi had tear stains on her face.

“I tried to call him on the way over here, more than once. On one occasion, he picked up but hung up before i could say anything.”

“He hasn't answered me at all,” Heidi cried, tears rolling down her face. “He’s never left for more than two nights but he always answered my calls! I-Im so scared.”

Connor didn't even think of what he was doing, he just hugged her. He felt like she needed it. He was worried too, but not as much as a mother who's lost her child.

“We’ll find him, Mrs. Hansen.” 

They stayed at the house, Heidi called anyone who might know where Evan was. Connor, mainly for support. It peaked Connor’s interest when he heard a door open. He dashed to the door to see, none other than Evan Hansen. He had a cast on his arm and he looked down.

Heidi had soon to follow Connor and saw Evan at the door. “Evan!” She hugged him as tight as she could. “Where were you, I was so worried! Why do you have a cast?” 

“M-mom…” Evan hugged back, starting to cry as well. 

“Honey, I love you so much never leave me like that again!” 

“Evan, you had us so worried!” Connor said and he sighed. 

“C-conn..or…” Evan sobbed. Connor joined the hug. “I-Im so sorry.”

“Sorry?” Heidi asked, confused. “Come sit down, honey, talk to me.” Heidi and Connor led Evan to the couch.

“M-mom…” He cried. “I'm so sorry I'm so sorry i love you i'm sorry.” He spoke incoherent gibberish into Heidi’s chest.

“Shhh…” Heidi rubbed his back.

“I didn't mean to- I-I wasn't thinking I shouldn't have I-I'm so sorry.” He rambled. Connor sat down on the other side of Evan.

“What happened to your arm Evan?” Connor asked.

“I-I broke it?..” Evan looked down.

“How!?” Heidi raised her voice slightly.

“I-I fell..” Evan was still sobbing, but it had let up. “Out of a tree.”

“Why were you in a tree?” Connor asked.

“I was d-doing something s-stupid.” he stammered. “I-I tried… i tried to… i tried to kill myself and i’m so sorry so so so sorry i love you both i shouldn't have tried to- i'm so sorry-” They both embraced Evan as tight as they could.

“I-i love you so much please never ever try to do that again, you can always talk to me, or connor, or even Jared!” Heidi was in tears.

“We love you. You're beautiful and so important Evan!” Connor kissed Evan's forehead. Connor grabbed a sharpie and opened it. He signed in big blocky letters. “I love you.” 

“I-I love you too. I love you both so much!” Evan clung onto the other two, later falling asleep in Connor’s arms.


End file.
